April 2003

04.30.2003 - - - 5:06 PM
Man, I really love that Britney Spears song, Slave 4 U. It's on the radio right now, it's not like I'm rocking a Brit CD at work. Okay, I totally would, but I'm not right now. I'm booty shaking! This song is just what I needed after the day I've had. First, my bank and my car insurance company worked together to totally screw me. Bastards. Then, one of my co-workers in NYC called me to redo something that wasn't even my responsibility in the first place. You know, the type of thing an INTERN could do. And it wasn't even like she was nice about it. She signed her email, "Many thanks for your promptness." Which is, to me, a sugar-coated way of saying DROP EVERYTHING BECAUSE I AM THE QUEEN. Then, my boss left work early with chest and arm pain. Um, what?! He's young! If he has a heart attack, I don't know what I will do. Curl up in a ball under my desk, I think. Because it's all about me. Well, that heart attack thing isn't, I'm actually really worried and I haven't heard from him yet and he left three hours ago and I'm just rambling now trying not to think about it but I'm not succeeding and this is a really long sentence. Okay, I'll change the subject. First, a super cool and super fabulous person had something very awesome happen to her at work today, but I can't say more except that YAY! YOU RULE AND ROCK!!! Second, American Idol. Oh, sweet powers that be, PLEASE eliminate Josh! He was so bad last night! I can't even stand it. I hate it when the contestants talk back to the judges, it's just so tacky. Be an adult and take the criticism, and gee, I don't know, LEARN FROM IT. As much as I dislike Clay, he is the best at this. So, big up for Clay. I'm going to the Dodgers/Phillies game tonight, so I won't be able to watch the elimination show live, but that's what Tivo is for! Yay, Tivo! I hope the Dodgers win tonight, that would make it five in a row. Goooooo Dodgers! I need to find out when "Think Blue Week" is. If anyone knows, let me know. OKay, I can't write anymore, I have to call my boss and find out how he's doing.

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04.29.2003 - - - 4:43 PM
So. I haven't really posted in like a week, except for little messages saying, "Sorry, can't post!" I like those little messages because I don't want my three readers to think I'm neglecting them. I really had the craziest amount of work ever last week, and then you add on a few out-of-office appointments and a half day on Friday, and you have no spare time to post. I will finally post a link to the new website I've been working on. It's an artwork site for dogs called DogArt. Isn't that appropriate? Anyway, it's mostly up and running, I still have a lot of little things to do to it, but it should function nicely even if the font is dull and some of the pictures are distorted. I had a MAJOR deadline for that site that I was given only five days to reach, so I was forced to slack on everything else that I do in my free time in order to get it done. Or, done enough. Anyway, if you actually look at the site, let me know if you see things that don't work, or need improvement. A lot needs improvement, I know this, so it won't hurt my feelings. Besides the web site, I was holding down the office fort since my boss was across the country for the week. Of course a bunch of things went wrong. Don't they always? So I had a couple late nights at work. Or would that be early mornings? It depends on your perspective. I also was working like a mofo because I really wanted to go to Vegas with all of my friends. And since I got everything done, I did! It was a blast. We stayed at the Monte Carlo, which is one of my favorites. I've stayed there a million times. The first night, Hardcore got us on the list for Baby's, the club at the Hard Rock Cafe. It's a fun club, lots of different dance floors with different types of music. We were out until about 4 in the morning. And, when we got back to the hotel, we had to eat at the 24 hour restaurant, because what trip to Vegas is complete without eating soup at 4 AM? The next day, Hardcore and Woodsy were rearing to go...Les and I wanted to kill them. We spent the day by the pool, then napped in the room until it was dinner. We ate at the sushi restaurant at The Palms, AKA The Place Alton and Irulan Made Out At A LOT During The Real World. It was yummy! I love me my sushi. Then, we were off to Club Light at the Bellagio. I know, who knew the Bellagio had a dance club? It had GREAT music, I was so happy. It was a great, fun weekend, and I have uploaded photos in the Pictures section. There was one thing that totally sucked about Vegas, though: TRAFFIC. I have expressed my feelings many times regarding traffic on this website, so I won't get into it now. But, I have driven to Vegas approx. 187 times, and I have never seen traffic like this. In total, we spent about 14 hours in the car. That is not okay! I was so happy to get home. I had dinner with The Boyfriend that night, who didn't mind that I was gross from sitting in the car for a million hours. He told me I looked good! Awww. He's the cutest. So, then, yesterday, I was only at work until 2 because I had another Dr.'s appointment regarding my hearing. It is, as I already knew, not great. And I was having a good hearing day yesterday. Oh well. I had to do all these tests, some were cool, some hurt, some were just plain annoying. Anyway, next week I am going in YET AGAIN and speaking with a specialist. I swear, the Dr.'s office must see that I have to pay money on every visit and write on my chart, "MAKE HER COME BACK." They are making so much money on me. The preliminary diagnosis is Meniere's Disease. Stupid French People making me deaf. Oh, today is Free Scoop Day at Ben and Jerry's! And American Idol is on without Carmen! And the fourth to last episode of Buffy is on! And my head is going to explode!
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04.24.2003 - - - 6:06 PM
Sorry for the lack of good updates...I have been so swamped with work, it's crazy! And then, all of my spare time has been spent working on Crazy New Website, which needs to be done TOMORROW! But, never fear, I will have a new update tomorrow that tells you all about the amazing week I've had. Now, I have one night for something amazing to happen...


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04.22.2003 - - - 4:50 PM

No time to write a real entry today, but I have to get a very important message across to you all. If I teach you nothing else, let it be this:

People, PLEASE! Don't vote for Carmen! Just ignore her phone number, and hit the mute button when she comes on! Let's put this ugly chapter behind us!

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04.21.2003 - - - 4:39 PM
It's so hard to get back into the swing of things at work after a nice, chill weekend. Mondays suck, anyway, but today has been especially draggy. I had a great weekend hanging out with the fam and all my friends from home. I ate A LOT - I think I gained like 30 lbs. in three days with all the candy and the eating out. And, The Boyfriend and I are still together despite the fact that our two baseball teams played each other all weekend. The San Francisco Giants won the series, but took a serious pounding from The Dodgers last night, losing 16-4. But still? The Giants are leading the majors with a record of 15 wins and 3 losses, while the Dodgers are sucking with 8 wins and 11 losses. The Boyfriend can't complain much. The Worst Show on Television is finally showing a new episode tonight. That's right, Seventh Heaven, how did you know? That show makes me want to hurt myself, yet I cannot turn away. Like a bad car accident. I can't wait to see Lucy's wedding. Man, she's so horrid. Jeez. I simply have nothing to write today. I have been working like mad on the new client's site. I need to have a very good site up and working for her by the weekend, and that is going to mean some serious, serious time devotion because there is still so much to be done. She's demanding, which is good, but I didn't get a lot of the stuff I needed for the site until today, which is bad. I was afraid this week was going to go by slowly because I'm going to Vegas on Friday and I'm so excited, but since I have such an important deadline, I think the time will really fly by. And I have something to do every night this week, either for work or socially, so I'm going to have to budget my time well. Something I am not good at. The good thing is that The Boss is in NYC all this week, so I will have a lot of time to myself. Even if that will be a little lonely. Look at me, feeling sorry for myself. Well, my boss rules, so I am sad when he's gone. God, I'm a freak!
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04.18.2003 - - - 4:40 PM
Happy Good Friday! Or, a solemn one, I suppose. And I think Passover is solemn, too. I should have paid attention in those religious history G.E.s in college. Someday, maybe, I will read the bible - REALLY read it. Because I had to read parts of it in class, but like I retained any of that? Riiiight. I took Jewish history in the fall, and I swear, that is the best time to take it because there are a million Jewish holidays in the fall, so we NEVER had class. I got a B in that class, which was pretty good considering a) I was one of like 2 people in that class that wasn't Jewish, b) I knew nothing about religion at that point, and c) I didn't pay attention. I wrote good papers. I got an A on every single paper I wrote in college, with the exception of the VERY FIRST paper I wrote, on which I received and F. AN F! I was horrified. I got to re-write it, but I seriously think it damaged my self-esteem when it came to classes that semester, because that was the lowest my GPA EVER was. And, I would like to point out that I actually did nothing to the paper during the re-write except change the font and print it out again. It was a perfectly good paper! I may suck at math, and I'm not so hot when it comes to science, but papers? I OWN papers. And, guess what? I got an A on that non-re-written paper. That professor was such an Ass (note the capital A). He didn't come back after that semester. Funny how that happened to a lot of my professors. I wonder if my evaluations had anything to do with it. A lot of my fellow students were afraid to be honest in their evaluations because they were convinced that the professors could tell who wrote what based on their handwriting. I was never that stupid, because HELLO all the work we handed in was TYPED. AND, I knew that the professors didn't get their evaluations until after they turned in grades. I was not one to mince words...call me the Simon Cowell of Professor Evaluations. Today is Good Friday, and I know a ton of people who either took the day off, or were just plain given the day off. Am I off today? No. But half of the NYC office is, and I think only two people came into the LA branch office today, myself included. Oh, my boss DID grace me with his presence for a full three hours today. That means I have seen him for a grand total of FOUR HOURS this month. And he'll be in NYC for all of next week. I made the grievous error of wearing a dark blue shirt to Best Buy today. When will I ever learn? First the red shirt at Target, now this. I got asked for help FIVE TIMES in the FIVE MINUTES I was there (hey, I knew what I wanted, and I'm not going to say what it was because it's embarrassing). This Best Buy is so under-staffed that the customers latch on to anyone they think can help them. So I had to tell all these people that I didn't work there. Except for this one lady, who had a nice face. I pointed her in the direction of the new releases. Because, hey, it IS Good Friday, and Jesus is watching me or whatever. Got to get into heaven. P.S. Jesus, please make sure that the Dodgers win tonight, because the Giants are the Devil's team and the Devil needs to be put in his place. And also because The Boyfriend will gloat, gloat, gloat, and we can't have any of that.
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04.17.2003 - - - 4:15 PM
I am having one of those days. And you KNOW it began last night when that lucky little Carmen didn't get voted off of American Idol. GOD! What is wrong with people? I was making fun of her on Tuesday night, because she totally butchered one of my favorite Billy Joel songs, and also because she has a righteous (hee!) case of acne. Oh, but God doesn't like it when you ridicule his chosen one, and showed me his displeasure by giving me two of those really painful pimples. You know, the deep ones that hurt like a son of a gun. I managed to get one of them to go away, but the other is building a home and starting a family right next to my mouth. I just do not understand why Carmen keeps surviving! She is SO BAD. Gah! I can't think about it any more or my head will explode. I have worn close-toed shoes for THREE days in a row. That has got to be some kind of personal record, people. I love my flip flops. I have a billion different pairs, and they are as close to bare feet as I can get. My feet aren't pleased by my decision to wear boots three days in a row (because it was supposed to rain EVERY DAY this week, yet the only day I wore open shoes was the it rained...hmmph). Even though when I'm sitting at my desk, my shoes are off, leaving my feet to breathe freely. Yet, for some reason, they want to get all swollen anyway. So at lunch time, I put my shoes back on, and I seriously thought I wouldn't be able to get my feet all the way in. I've had these shoes for like four years! I forced them in, and don't you know they screamed at me the whole time. First I had to walk by the post office, which was more fun on Tuesday, in my opinion. Then I went to the mall, as it is the time of year when 85 of my friends and relatives are celebrating birthdays. I swear, the mall here in Burbank is so junky. It needs a major remodel. And the people there...well, I know it's spring break this week, so I will cut some slack. It never fails that every time I think that maybe someday kids would be fun, I run into about five nasty teenagers and I think, "eeeewwww...I don't want that." I swear, I was not a greasy mall kid. I wasn't even allowed to wander the mall until I was old enough to drive myself there. I always used to bemoan this fact, but now I think I will probably do the same thing to my future children. Well, maybe not, because a kid's got to shop, but I will NOT let them look like they haven't showered in days! I didn't want to come within ten feet of these kids. So, between the greasy brats and the soccer moms, my will to shop was sapped quickly. Which is strange, because I really do love buying people presents. I love giving. I also love receiving. They are equal on my list of nice things. I left the mall empty-handed. I ought to be able to get stuff for everyone over the weekend, as long as The Boyfriend doesn't mind a quick mall excursion....Since my lunch was almost over, I had to get a quick lunch, so I stopped in Noah's Bagels to get a bowl of Chicken Soup, which is my latest food obsession. There was a couple in front of me, and they were drinking their iced blended coffee drinks with whipped cream and a cherry on top. When it was their turn to order, the girl ordered a muffin, but the guy started quizzing the girl behind the counter about how they make their salads. Buddy, this is Noah's Bagels, they are not exactly known for their salads. He wanted to know where the lettuce was from, and how old it was, and all this other stuff. Then, he apologized to the woman behind the counter and said, "sorry to ask so many questions, I'm just on a really strict diet." What? What diet let's you drink ice cream coffee drinks with whipped cream on top? THEN Mr. Picky said, "you know what, I'll just get a sandwich." What is this mystery diet? It occurs to me now that maybe he has an allergy or something, but he didn't ask her any questions about what was going into the sandwich. So I think he was just being difficult. Last night I met my friend Bri for dinner at one of my favorite Mexican restaurants, El Cholo. Damn, that food is fine. But I hit SOOOOO much traffic on my way to meet her - I was 45 minutes late! I hate being late, I felt so bad. But it was great to see her, I don't get to hang out with her as much as I'd like and she's a sooper fly person. I'm lucky to have her as my friend! It's her birthday on Saturday and I'll be out of town so I won't be able to hang out with her. So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRI! And, I'd just like to add that I just rested my head on my desk for ONE SECOND, but somehow ten minutes passed. How did that happen? I actually got eight hours of sleep last night, why am I so tired? I blame Carmen.
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04.16.2003 - - - 5:15 PM
Two postings in a row at 5:15. Ker-azy. Anywho. This picture. I am having a good hair day, and I don't use my camera enough. Put these two facts together, and you get this picture. Oh, and that I can't just take a NORMAL picture of myself, I have to be making a face or something so I don't seem too vain. And, in the end, it's kind of blurry, which is what happens when you take a picture of yourself. It's good hair, bad attitude. Right now I'm listening to a guy who works for a different label than I lecture his assistant about paying his dues and yadda yadda. "When I was trying to get a job in this industry, I flew myself out to L.A. FOUR times on my OWN dime because I wanted to work here so much." Hmmm...maybe he should have just moved here? He probably would have spent about the same amount. Now he's saying that, "you have to stick with those jobs with shitty pay to show that you're loyal." Now, that's true in some cases, but my friend (let's call him St. Paddy) assists TWO radio promo guys...and he only gets $22,000. That's BEFORE taxes, people. Believe me when I say that he deserves double that much not only for assisting two people, but for assisting these two particular people. Plus, it's a lot of work. And it costs a lot to live here in La La Land. It makes me feel bad that he's working his ass off for pennies while I am taking self portraits of my tongue for a significant amount more. But, you know what? I actually don't feel bad. I worked in this office for three years with no pay, so hey, according to St. Paddy's boss, I paid my dues. I'm never going to lecture an assistant, though, unless it's about not taking enough time off, or for coming in hung over when they could have just called and told me they were wasted the night before. I'm gonna be a cool boss. Assuming the person deserves it, of course. But I figure, hey, we've all been there, why make up lies? I've always had cool bosses, I'd like to return the favor someday. Especially since it will be to someone who is getting SHITTY pay. Unless they work for my company, who pays all of it's employees very, very well. I'm not being sarcastic, either. I get paid like I live in NYC, since that's where the whole company is based. It's a trade-off for being lonely in the office. And, we got a bonus this year! I just got it the other day, I can't tell you how excited I was. Okay, I can. I was shocked - I didn't know we could get bonuses! We were one of the few labels under the Big Uni Umbrella that posted a profit, so the big wigs at the top showed us some love. But damn those taxes! Almost half of my bonus got eaten up by them. My dad says that I'll get it back with my tax return next year, but I want it now, damn it! Not like I spent my bonus, I was shockingly responsible and put it into savings. I amaze myself sometimes.
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04.15.2003 - - - 5:15 PM
People are getting to this site in seriously sick ways. Let's just say that no one doing the nasty with felines here, and I'm pretty certain the lead singer of Destiny's Child is straight. And even if she wasn't, I think she'd be into the over-18 crowd. If you want to know all the search words, join my Notify List at the bottom of the page. I'd write them here, but that would lead to more sickos getting here...it's a vicious cycle. Anyway, if you join the list, you can read all about the freaky keywords people enter into search engines that lead them here. And, speaking of freaky, I have had two, count 'em TWO, dreams about Ryan Seacrest in the last week. Please, God, make it stop!!! I simply cannot handle it. I see Ryan twice a week on TV, I hear him on the radio every damn day, now he's in my dreams?! Torture. No wonder I've been having trouble sleeping lately - my subconscious is trying to save me! Not that I don't think Ryan isn't totally "krunk" or whatever, but enough is enough. Tonight's theme on American Idol is "Billy Joel." I know it's unpopular, but I love Billy Joel, so I'm excited. It will suck to hear the songs butchered, but I don't care. I'll sing along and drown out the bad kids. The guest judge tonight is Smokey Robinson. Why, because he's such a big Billy Joel fan? I don't get it. Not like this show is known for making sense. DON'T VOTE FOR CARMEN, I BEG YOU!!! And, just to keep with the theme, I bought the Kelly Clarkson CD today, Thankful. Kids, it's pretty good. She has such a good voice. I will even overlook the fact that Christina Haguilera co-wrote the single, "Miss Independent," with Kelly. Why Hag, man? I know, I know, she's talented, even if she is so nasty. Hag, not Kelly. Kelly is talented and emphatically the opposite of nasty. I also bought the Limited Edition Fleetwood Mac CD, Say You Will. I'm going to listen to it on my drive home. I love me my music!
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04.14.2003 - - - 5:10 PM

Happy (belated) Birthday Woodsy!!!

It's raining and I'm wearing open toed shoes. It's not my fault in some ways. When I packed on Friday for the weekend, I didn't know it was going to be raining on Monday. I had the cutest outfit for today, black pants, strappy heels, and my new shirt with a little Asian Kickboxing girl on it. I didn't have an umbrella. I didn't have boots. I didn't have an umbrella. I didn't have a rain coat. So I sucked it up, and I am wearing my heels with pride. And now that I'm sitting at my desk, I have my space heater pointed right at my feet. With special thanks to The Boyfriend for giving me his GIANT umbrella to use for the day. He Rawks! I didn't go into the office this morning. Instead, I met Lizz Wright at a local urban radio station for press and interviews. She is really nice and extremely talented - an AMAZING voice. Then it took me an hour to get across town to my office. When it rains, no one knows what the hell to do. I had a nice weekend up north in the Bay Area with The Boyfriend's family. Lots of nice meals, and we did some fun sightseeing and saw some funny stand-up comics at a comedy club. We were supposed to see the Dodgers/Giants game, but it was rained out. The rain is following me everywhere! I went to Target last Thursday to buy some sun screen, and while I was in line, this kid was in a cart SCREAMING, "I WANT TOY! I WANT TOY!" Meanwhile, the mom is just minding her own business, emptying her cart. I was like, "Lady! Shut that kid up or he's gonna get to play with the back of my hand!" I have never heard such shrill screaming in my whole life, and I used to baby-sit. Talk about effective birth control. When it was my turn to pay, the cashier looked at me and said, "looks like you could have used this today." He was a old man who looked nice, so I nicely said back to him, "oh, really? Why is that?" And he said, "Because your face! It's so sunburned!" Um. I hadn't been out of my office all day. I hadn't been in the sun since the previous Saturday. So there was no way I was sunburned. It just goes to show that my face is so red that apparently even old men notice. I thought it was just make-up ladies.

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04.10.2003 - - - 5:53 PM
Before I forget, I have to address something that someone said in my guestbook, which is that the contestants this year on American Idol are better than last year. That person is totally right, the talent is miles above last year's top ten. And even though I said half of the contestants this year have no talent, they would blow away most of season one. My biggest complaint is with their personalities. I feel like they are so concerned with appealing to "America" that they aren't letting their true personalities come through(Clay, I'm talking to you). And, a lot of them aren't that good at hiding what they think would be their "unappealing" characteristics (Clay, I'm still talking to you, and also to Trenyce and Corey). So, therein my complaints lie. I haven't seen last night's episode yet, but I know that Rickey was voted off. What the hell? Why is Carmen still on the show? She's the Season Two Nikki. Poor kid. Poor me! Moving on. I have been looking for a shirt that will proclaim my love and affection for the Dodgers (the Greatest Baseball Team in the History of the Universe), while still being cute and stylish. As I've mentioned at least 837 times, I'm smallish, so it's hard for me to find a shirt that fits properly. I usually go to the boys' section of my local shopping establishments to find a top. Today, as I was walking through the aisles of clothing, I realized that most T-shirt manufacturers don't make sports team shirts for women. What gives? I think this is an untapped market. I know that when you go to sporting events, they have a plethora of shirts for women. But what about when I'm not at the stadium? What if the urge strikes me to buy a shirt, and I want to go to Sports Chalet, or Target, or All Pro Sports? Get on the ball here, licensing people! Or, maybe I'll team up with Woodsy and we'll do this ourselves. I bet we could make a good five or ten bucks with this business. Or not, because I'm lazy. So lazy that I've totally given over to online banking. I was already paying all my bills online, but I've stopped keeping a checkbook register now, completely relying on the B of A website to tell me what my balance is. This is dangerous. I know. I think that next month, I'll wait until everything evens out, then start keeping track again. Ha ha ha, that's so funny to me to think that I'll actually do that. But a girl can dream. I've had the worst memory lately. Besides completely forgetting about entire trips, I'm forgetting a lot of little things. For example, I am always SO GOOD at paying my bills. I always pay them the day after they arrive in the mail. But for some reason, I keep forgetting to do that. I paid my cell phone bill eight days late. I think they're going to send Catherine Zeta-Jones over to kick my ass. And I keep forgetting other little things, which escape me now. SEE?!?!?! So forgetful. As far as my Dr.'s appointment yesterday, no blood was taken! YAY! Everything went pretty well, if you consider hearing loss to be a good thing. Oh, you don't? Yeah, I had a hearing test, and the nurse was HORRIFIED with my results. Nothing like seeing a 60 year old woman look at you with alarm. I think her exact words were, "You have horrible hearing for someone your age. You've lost a significant amount of hearing ability in each ear," and imagine her saying that to you while her face looks all concerned and appalled. It was fun. My scores were about 15-30 points lower than they should be. So I get to make a special visit to a special hearing Doc in the next few weeks. Oh boy! Well, it's time out of the office...so at least I can see the silver lining, even if I can't hear the pretty harp noises it brings.
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04.09.2003 - - - 12:20 PM
While I'm on the subject of names, I was thinking about how many names I answer to. If someone were to actually call me any of the fake names I listed yesterday, I wouldn't respond, because that's not my name. Yet, besides my different nicknames, there are probably about 15 other names that, when said, would get my attention. I still look up at my mom and dad's names, my brother's name, boyfriend's name, the names of EVERY ROOMMATE I EVER HAD (all ten of them), my best friend, and about four more of my friends' names. So, actually, I respond to nineteen different names, save my own. I should start using those when I want some excitement. And I'm sure to get a reaction when I use the male names. I need to address something that's been bothering me lately. I am really upset by the fact that now, 5 weeks into it, I still do not have a favorite American Idol contestant. At this time in the first season, Jackie and I had the biggest Girl Crush on Kelly Clarkson. This year? My feelings range from dislike to something just short of hatred for the contestants. They bug SO MUCH. I still watch, but I don't call in and vote. I don't root for anyone to win, but I definitely root for people to lose. Carmen? Gotta go. Kimberly Caldwell? Stop being such an obvious attention whore. Clay? Eh, there are no words. Besides the fact that half of these kids have no talent, none of them have a personality I can really get behind. There is ONE contestant that I tolerate. I like Kimberley Locke. She seems sassy, and she's very pretty and has a good voice. I'd like to go back to the pretty part because I thinks he gets lost in the shuffle of the skinny people, and the blondes, and the "ooh, CLAYS" on the show. If death was not an option, I would root for Kimberley. Note I said root, and not vote. I won't be voting a million times like Jackie and I did last year. I don't care to waste the minutes on my cell phone. I'm leaving work early today, at 1:30, because I have a Doctor's Appointment out in BFE, I mean, Thousand Oaks. I really need to call and get my doctor changed to a closer location. Usually when I make an appointment, it's for a physical so I ask for a woman, or it's an emergency so I take whoever I can get. But today, I am actually seeing the man who is my official doctor. I haven't seen him in years, literally. Maybe since high school. A long time. I wonder if he looks different? I wonder if he'll even remember who the hell I am. I hope they don't take blood today. I'm not afraid of blood, or even needles, really. But I don't like the IDEA of blood being taken out of my body. It's supposed to stay in my body, that's why I have skin. So, keep your fingers crossed. Above: The Boyfriend is an angry cowboy pimp.
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04.08.2003 - - - 4:25 PM
Sometimes I like to pretend I'm someone else. Not because I don't like who I am now, but just to spice things up. My friends and I have been in the practice of giving fake names at bars for several years now. We know to always use our bar identities when skeezy men come up to us. It's second nature now. Sometimes when these men don't get the idea, we'll start making up fake lives, too. I've been a nurse, a dancer (HA!), an investment banker, a pro surfer (HA again), all sorts of things. As if my real job isn't glamorous enough. I don't know if anyone has ever believed the stories we've told, but we enjoyed ourselves. But, besides bar amusement, that was usually the extent of my fake identities. Although lately, in little tiny situations, I've started giving a different name. It began as a way for me to gauge what people thought of different names. So I would order my Starbucks and say my name was Jane, or Bunny, or Anika. Or at Jamba Juice I would be Madeline, or Hannah, or Abigail. It just makes me laugh to give these random names and have no one be the wiser. How are they to know? It's like making myself more anonymous than I already am. I'm weird, I know. It's my new way of getting through the day. And, can I just say, when you do a Google Image Search for the word "Alias," you get some frightening results? And not just Jennifer "Duck Face" Garner. That is why there is no picture for this entry. I didn't want to use a picture of Quack Quack, but I didn't want to use a picture of a CRIMINAL using aliases for EVIL. So, no image for you! I learned something today. It is SO HARD to talk to someone who is cross-eyed. Especially when you're pretty sure they are staring at your boobs. A Tech Guy was checking a program that my boss and I have been having a problem with. I told him that I'd fixed my problem, but my boss hadn't. And when I was talking to him, I noticed that he was cross eyed and we weren't making eye contact. But his eyes WERE making contact with my chest region. So then he went into my boss's office to check on it, driving The Boss out to chat with me while Tech Guy worked. When Tech Guy was done, he came back into my office and started talking to me and my boss...except it was more like my boss and my chest. And it was sooooo obvious. When he left, The Boss looked at me and I was TOTALLY blushing, and he started laughing. It's not like my shirt is crazy tight today or something! Crazy computer freaks!!! And I can say that because I am also a computer freak. But I don't go staring at people...well, actually, I do have a staring problem, but that is another story for another time.
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04.07.2003 - - - 5:24 PM
Five days is a long time to not update this mutha. I was out of the office on Thursday, and then I was sick on Friday. A bad, horrible, vomit-inducing headache, among other things, was to blame for that one. So I was away from my desk and my evil work computer, and I didn't feel like touching anything but my bed when I was at home. Anyway, I'm back now, isn't that lucky. I always had this theory about evening traffic in Los Angeles: when the sun is up, there is less traffic. I base this theory on last October, when traffic was bad, but it never took me more than an hour to get home...until Daylight Savings ended and we went back to Pacific Standard time. Then suddenly, people forgot how to drive, like they didn't know how to get home without the sun as a guide. Every damn night in October, it took me at LEAST an hour and a half to drive home. So we'll see if it's like that tonight. I'm wearing my glasses today, which automatically puts me in a bad mood, so if it takes me a long time to get back to my apartment, there is going to be hell to pay. And now I'm hearing on the radio that the damn Dodgers lost their home opener. Criminy. What is WITH this day? Everything was going wrong at work, and I had so much to do since I was out last week. My eyes are bothering me, hence the glasses. And I have no food in my apartment! Although, that's nothing new. I never have food in the place. Okay, deep breaths. I can stop at the store on my way home and get something to eat. Preferably something easy. Ooh! I think I'll get some tortilla soup, that sounds really good right now. Gah, I really have nothing to talk about today. I just have the Monday Blahs. And I just spent soooo long working on the terrorizing website, which will still remain nameless and link-less because it's still not making me happy. Man, I hope Seventh Heaven is new tonight, because I really need to unload some bitterness and those dumb Camdens are the perfect target. Okay, this is such a crappy entry. Read this. It's better written and more interesting and it might make you laugh. Hey, I wrote it yesterday, maybe that's why I have nothing to write today. It sapped my writing energy. I will be funky fresh tomorrow, kids.
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04.02.2003 - - - 5:01 PM
I don't know what it is, but I am one of those people that strangers think they can safely approach. I guess this goes back to my whole thing about being short and blonde and stuff, so I don't look like the type to be packing heat. I've just always kept in the back of my mind something my dad told me once a few years ago. He said that the reason he thought guys didn't hit on me was because I have a "mean face" when I'm not thinking about it. Not that I'm trying to look mean, just that my face settles into something that's less than friendly-looking. I was always upset about that until one night, I was standing at a bar next to Hardcore, and we were facing a mirror. I noticed that she looked very pretty with no expression on her face, while I...didn't. So since then, I've tried to be a little more conscious of my face. Yet, there are times when it's the last thing on my mind, like when I'm shopping, or sitting at my desk, or walking down the street. Then I'm pretty sure that I'm always squinting and pissy-looking. Hey, I have bad eyesight, okay! It's then that I always get the most comments about my expressions. The mail guy in my office always asks me if I'm stressed when he comes into my office. He says I look angry at my computer. Even though I usually am, because my computer at work is a piece of CRAP, it's not enough to make me LOOK angry. Know what I'm sayin', dawg? The point is that I make faces when I'm at my most distracted. Yet, this is normally when people come up to me. I can't tell you how many times people ask me for help in stores. While this has happened to me twice at Target when I was unfortunate enough to be wearing a red shirt there (something I will never do again, be warned!), it's also happened at shops when I was dressed completely inappropriately. AND, it's not like someone is asking for my opinion on an item or my assistance in reaching something (DUCKEY, I'm talking to you). I can recall one time I was walking through a Robinson's May wearing a softball uniform, and someone stopped me, held up a shirt, and asked me if "we had another size in the back." I stared at her and said, "um, I don't work here." She was shocked. Shocked! Or, this other time I was in an Old Navy with wet hair, no shoes, shorts, and a bikini top on. And some woman asked me what other color shorts "we" had in the back. I said, "ma'am, do I look like I work here?" And she said YES! I started laughing, because what else could I do? Then I found someone who ACTUALLY worked there, wearing the Old Navy Staff shirt and that headphone device thing to help her. But I'm stopped the most when I'm walking down the street. Today, I was in the middle of a pack of about 7 people. Three in front of me, three in the back. But two people stopped me at different points on my ONE BLOCK WALK. One person asked where a store was, one person asked me for change, both were very sketchy looking. I was in the middle of the pack! None of the other people were bothered! So weird. It's just something I've grown used to as I've gotten older, but it still never fails to make me shake my head. I can't imagine how many people would come up to me if I actually looked friendly!
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04.01.2003 - - - 4:52 PM
Suddenly I've been getting all these crazy hits on this site. Who are you people and how are you finding me? It makes me so curious to know who is reading this stuff. You can always email me if you're too shy to sign the guestbook. Or you can leave me wondering forever and ever. It's up to you, really. I love all my people. Even if you get here by doing a search for "Lisa Marie Presley Imposter." What? I don't think I ever wrote about that, yet somehow that string led someone here. The internet is a mystery, my friends. So, it's April Fool's Day and I've been fooled a few times already. Just small things, but those are always the ones that work. I haven't pulled a prank on anyone in years. I guess I'm just not as creative as I used to be. Or not as evil. And it's sad that I don't want to be deficiant in either department! Or is it? I'm totally all over the place today, and I blame it on a little crowd control device called Pepper Spray. Last night, The Boyfriend, Bells, D Wop, and I were eating at a sushi place near my apartment. This drunk guy came in and was acting really belligerent, so the bouncers made him leave. He was a typical 45-year-old surfer type: blondish-grey hair, leather skin, a goatee. He came back about 10 minutes later, and this time wouldn't leave when the bouncers told him he couldn't stay. One of the workers called the cops. One officer came in and was talking to the guy. We couldn't hear what was being said, though, he was just out of our earshot. But the Drunk Surfer looked pretty pissed off from what we could see. Then the officer put his hand on the guy's back, like to guide him outside, and the dude just plopped on the ground, the way protestors do when they're resisting arrest. The officer was bent over the guy, and suddenly he just pulled out the spray and got him right in the face, about 5 or 6 inches away from his nose. Then the guy started waving his arms and legs around, kicking and stuff, so the officer got him a few more times. He was only about 10 or 20 feet away from us. Every one in the restaurant started coughing and sneezing, including us, and some people were puking in the bathroom. It was awesome! Except not. The restaurant cleared out really fast after that, but we stayed because The Boyfriend and I hadn't gotten our food yet and we all had full drinks. Pepper spray? Burns like a mother fucker. Seriously. I inhaled it and it was in my eyes and everything. I was far away from it, too, so I can't imagine what if felt like for the Drunk Surfer. I'm going to assume he deserved it...yeah. Stupid drunk! Why couldn't he be happy-go-lucky, bare-ass and free, like a normal drunk? I blame YOU for my apperance today! Guys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses (not that I want passes from guys, Boyfriend!).

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